Grief comes to the surface when someone is facing any form of loss, and the most common one being Bereavement, both of these can manifest themselves in a person showing a wide range of feelings from anger to deep sadness. These feelings and the process of dealing with them will vary from person to person, most of which is controlled by their background beliefs, the relationship to what has been lost and many other factors.
Behaviors & Grieving Thoughts
Grief can be associated with many feelings of regret, sadness, yearning and anger to name but a few, yet in some people they come to feel a sense of relief or meaninglessness, these varied emotions can be surprising in their intensity or at the other end of the scale they can be a very mild emotion. It is easy to say in most cases, though, they can become confusing, especially at the time a person misses a relationship that was painful.
Grieving thoughts can range from “there was nothing I could have done about it,” to “she had a full life.” These thoughts can be either soothing or very troubling and people can switch between these types of thoughts as they try and make sense of the loss they have experienced.
Laughter to crying are just two of the reactions that can hit people, or they can share feelings to others or become reclusive and quiet and just focusing on certain tasks. While many seek comfort in the company of others, while others want to be alone with their feelings.
While people are grieving these thoughts, behaviors and feelings are split into two distinct styles, and a majority of people show a mix of the two.
- Intuitive grieving shows itself as emotional experiences which lead to the sharing of feelings and trying to understand the meaning of life while considering their own mortality.
- Instrumental grieving will primarily focus on tasks that require problem-solving duties while restraining and minimizing any emotional expressions.
As a result, there is no correct way of working through grief, but as people react differently, some behaviors or thoughts will be safer or more helpful than others.
“I lost my Becky a while ago. I still grieve, yet I have learned how to deal with it a little better. I’d tried laughing, and I’d tried crying. None of it was gonna bring her back. Couples Counseling of Portland helped me understand how to get on with my life rather than try to get over my loss.”
- M Knox (West Portland)
Recovering from Grief
We all grieve in our own way and our own time, in some it can take 6 months to work their way through it while others may experience these feelings for twelve months or more in extreme cases. In these extreme cases, there is a possibility depression can creep in. If this long-term grief takes over a person’s life, it is called “Complicated grief” and can affect how a person returns to their routine and is highlighted by the following Symptoms:
- Intense sadness with yearning or Longing
- Over concern of the deceased or with events surrounding the death
- Feelings of meaninglessness and unable to engage in memories of happiness
- Avoidance of reminders of the deceased
- No desire in personal interests plans and are angry or bitter.
Counseling for Grief
When a grieving person lets, their thoughts start to control their life and become distressing, incite concern in others or are unrelenting, the assistance of qualified and professional mental health experts can help. Therapy is an excellent way of learning how you can cope with these stressors which are linked to loss and help you to control your symptoms by using techniques like meditation and relaxation.
Therapists will tailor treatments which can meet the needs of each person as grief is unique for everyone concerned.
Group Therapy is also used and found to be helpful for ones who find comfort in being able to share feelings and emotions, and when this approach is taken, it is often found, recovery is much quicker. It has also been shown Family Therapy can be suitable for family members who find it difficult to accept a family member has been lost.